March is here! In like a lion and all that nonsense. Welcome to this month’s most enlightening Barbie Death Village newsletter, whose motto is: “All The News I Feel Like Printing”. As always we like to start off with something germane to our fabulous camp. I came across this panorama while in a pique of self-reflection as I started looking up pictures of myself. I haven’t actually looked at any of the others, so I don’t know if they’re safe for work or not, but this one will have to do.
Now on to the news. There is a lot to report this month, so settle back with a nice warm cup of Irish coffee and enjoy. I had a long chat with Felony Arson and we both agree that we need somebody (the more the better) to be a DMV Hottie. What that means is that for all of you who are anxious to volunteer your services to give something back to the Burning Man community, what we would like is to have you ask to work for the BMOrg Department of Mutant Vehicles. Why? Because we could use an “in” within the DMV to see to it (read: rubber stamp) that Barbie’s Mobile Wh0reh0use and any other mutant vehicles our Village might have get approved. There is nothing like pure nepotism to get done what needs to be done. It’s worked in Chicago for the past 100 years so why not Black Rock City? Go to the main Burning Man website and you can volunteer from there. We really could use your help.
Speaking of the art vehicle, we are in the planning stage for 2011. We do not plan on reinventing the wheel and keep last year’s design nearly the same. We could always use more bells and whistles and we will need to replace the “curtains” around the bottom of the truck to hide the tires and general truck design. What we do need this year is anyone who is familiar and has worked with Aluminet. We are thinking about getting the 30% pink design to cover the front of the truck, but we are unsure on how much to get and whether or not that will impede visibility for the driver. If any of you have experience with that, please let CJ, Felony Arson or me know so we can use your expertise for our mutual benefit. CJ is the main go-to person for all art vehicle artistic endeavors.
About our Village photograph for the Black Rock Yearbook 2010. I heard back from the people and it turns out that the camera with all of Thursday’s photographs was stolen from the yearbook office near Center Camp. That’s why we were left out of the yearbook. So it turns out it wasn’t stoned hippies after all but theft. At least that’s their story and they’re sticking to it.
Happy news! We have a piano! Steve from Davis, who was a newbie last year and hung with Kara and CJ’s crowd, was able to secure an up-right in very good condition and it will remain in storage until late July, which is perfect. Grawg has volunteered to haul it to the playa as long as he gets the trailer he anticipates to acquire. And the news gets better: even though we said we would pay to have it tuned, one of the denizens of Terminal Village has volunteered to tune it for free as long as we can secure him an early entry pass and he will come by mid-week for a check up. So this is about as good as the news could get on the piano front.
Speaking of Terminal Village, we are still in the early planning stages of our 3-3-3 War, though I suspect Fizzball with a water fight thrown in for good measure probably will be on the front burner. In that regard we need several cases of very cheap and generally crappy beer. So if any of you wish to donate that (Keystone Light seems to be very popular) it would be most appreciated. Many of you may have been following the Clash Of The Titans thread on the ePlaya, and if any of you are artistic and can fight the good fight for dear old Barbie Death Village, we could use a counter-attack. For those of you not in the know, here is the putrid and vile propaganda they have been spouting:
Next up we are trying to get a general census on who will be coming. I know many of you assume, quite understandably, that “we know” that you’ll be coming. But let’s just say for a moment Felony and I are too stupid to figure that out, please let us know. We are in the process of submitting the Village Application and they need an approximate head count to allocate early arrival passes. I am requesting 103 but I need to know if that is enough. If you need an early entry pass please let me know as soon as you can! We don’t want to request too much or, worse, too little space. I did hear from Boosh: The Canadian Splinter Squad and they are looking at as many as 40 people, including 12 newbies. None of them were there last year except for Luis, so you can understand our quandary.
Something new for 2011 has also come up. Stu and Laura are working on our water conundrum. Not only bringing more to the playa in workable amounts, but also gray water disposal. We have Drew and Mindy’s wonderful evaporation pond from last year at the ready, but Stu is developing as only he can an, uh, “advanced dust abatement system” for excess gray water. He is very excited about this project and it will make our shower-taking ability that much more pleasant. And, like last year, I plan on donating for the camp shower our very own loufah. Never can tell when you might need a nice back scrub. Or something.
It’s never too early to start planning the all-Village Pancake Pork Out. We are tentatively going to have it scheduled for Saturday morning so everybody can join in. We are not going to open it up to the unwashed masses by advertising it in the What-When-Where Guide. But we still need many things, and for those of you who are veterans you know the logistical hoops we must jump through. We will need, in no particular order, 25 pounds of pancake batter mix, 20+ pounds of bacon, two gallons of vodka and Bloody Mary mix, four gallons of OJ, three cases of champagne, coffee enough for 100 people; also no fewer than 8 propane or gas griddles (preferably), 250 paper plates, 250 cups for coffee and cocktails, five rolls of paper towels/napkins, and several tables for people to not only eat on but to cook on as well. So start thinking what you can contribute to the cause. It is a fun event and we want to make sure there is enough for all of us and our friends.
Right now we believe we have four 10′ X 20″ shade structures. We are looking for perhaps two more. We may allocate some of our dues money to pay for one of them, but if you have one that isn’t being used and would like to donate it for the general welfare of our Village, let Felony know.
There has been a suggestion that we have a theme night or even two on our art vehicle. Something along the lines of The 70′s, Metal or Glam (whatever that may be), or even Beethoven; something that might require a costume and perhaps specific music. This is, of course, in addition to our annual post-burn weenie roast, which happens to be my favorite annual event we have on the playa. But I digress. If you have any thoughts on this, and more importantly would like to be in charge of it, let either me or Felony know and we will announce it in a future newsletter.
Our camp stickers have arrived! Boosh Camp did a wonderful job. Everyone who pays dues to BDC&WB gets one, and if you ask me real nicely even if you are not a member of our camp or even part of our Village, I probably could see my way clear to send one off to you. We need all the positive advertising we can get.
Should any of you happen to find yourselves with an extra ticket, maybe because you somehow ordered one too many or, heaven forbid, you simply cannot go this year, please do not just put it out on the ePlaya or Craig’s List. Let me know because we have campmates who are in need of tickets. Right now two veterans, but newbies to our Village, Jewellee and Lucy, are looking for first-or-second tier tickets. Please help our friends if you can. Membership has its privileges.
For those of you in Barbie Death Camp & Wine Bistro, Eden, Clan O’Crash, Black Rock City Body & Paint, and Loose Nutz, dues are due. They will remain $60 until June 1st, when they increase to $75. So please try and get them in sooner rather than later. They can be mailed (personal check is fine) to: Jim Jacoby (address redacted). International travelers flying in from Asia, Europe, Australia, or Africa can simply pay $60 on the playa.
Time for the introduction of our newbies. This seems to be the time of year that new requests to join our merry band of reprobates commences, and this month is no different. First off from Jacksonville, Florida meet Fat Baby Jesus and Jenn. Many of you remember Shorty, she has been a Barbiebarian since about 2005 though has missed a few years. Anyway her cousin Travis and his fiancé Nicole will be joining us. Travis goes by the appropriate handle Cradle Robber. And finally, as we increase our international presence, we have three lady newbies from Sweden. Please welcome Cemile, Pegah, and Nada. Please make all of our new campmates feel at home.
And one last piece of gratuitous self-aggrandizement, my youngest daughter Joelle yesterday has been hired by Warner Brothers to have a speaking role in the television series Torchwood: Miracle Day. Yeah, I had never heard of it either. It will be on Starz! and BBC America and filming will take place later this spring. She’ll be in Episode Five as Excited Teenager. Isn’t that special? Okay, so she didn’t get the role as Mattie Ross in True Grit, but this is better. I suppose.
The Man burns in 186 days!
Doc Pyro, MOBDV